Damned If I Do
by Lothiriel84
Summary: I'm damned if I don't but I love you.


He wakes up at the crack of dawn, and it takes rather a Herculean effort on his part to scramble out of bed – careful not to wake his sleeping companion – and don his captain's uniform. Sarah lets out a contented sigh when he drops a farewell kiss on her brow, but otherwise she doesn't stir and he's grateful for that. It still surprises him, this easy affection for a woman he's known for less than six months; they've fallen almost seamlessly into some sort of domestic arrangement shortly after their first meeting, and the thought is somewhat scary for a veteran of three failed marriages.

So far he's had to bite his tongue on two separate occasions, lest he slipped and said the words he promised himself never ever to utter again after Helena's betrayal; no strings attached, that's what they've agreed on, but he finds himself having second thoughts and he can tell it's the same for her too. Well, he's damned if he makes a fool of himself by tying the knot a fourth time, never mind ending up with that smug bastard of his First Officer as a brother-in-law.

He should have fabricated a plausible reason in order to excuse himself from attending Carolyn's wedding, and he curses himself for giving in to Arthur's pleas. With his track record about wives and weddings, falling into a relationship with the bridegroom's sister is the very last thing he was looking forward to; and it doesn't matter that both Herc and Carolyn have been tactful enough not to address the subject, it's still sitting uneasily at the back of his mind every time he enters the flight deck or strolls through the door to the Portakabin.

Thanks goodness they're flying to Nice today, and he's long since arranged to meet Martin there. Heaven knows he needs someone to talk to, and none of his co-workers are a feasible choice for much obvious reasons; whilst Martin Crieff is the closest thing to a best friend he's had in years, and he finds it much easier to confide in him now that they're not vying for captaincy anymore.

Clear skies are expected at Nice, and he lets his shoulders relax a fraction as Arthur materialises at his elbow with a cheerful smile and a mug of coffee. Captain Richardson flies again, and this is all that matters right now.

xxx

"Well, don't you look smart," he states smoothly as Martin takes place in front of him, doing a pretty good impression of a dashing young first officer; fake it till you make it, that has always been his motto, and it seems that it's doing wonders for his friend.

"Thank you," Martin grins, obviously pleased. "You look good too, Captain."

They spend the next few minutes exchanging pleasantries, as well as catching up with each other's lives. Apparently Martin has finally worked up the courage to propose to his charming princess, and it doesn't take Douglas Richardson to guess that Theresa has, in fact, accepted.

"Actually, I was hoping you'd consider being my best man. If you want, I mean."

Oh, Martin – he thinks but doesn't say. "It will be my privilege," he smiles instead, though it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "But what about your brother?"

"Simon as my best man?" the younger man snorts. "Not going to happen. I'd rather have Arthur, if it ever comes to that."

He chuckles into his coffee, until he realises that Martin is staring at him with a frown on his face.

"Douglas, is something the matter with you?" his friend asks somewhat hesitantly, willing him to meet his gaze. "I may not be very good at giving advice, but you know you can talk to me."

"Sorry, I never intended to rain on your parade. I might be a little preoccupied with my personal life at the moment, but that doesn't mean I'm not happy for you."

"This is about Sarah, isn't it?" Martin probes, as gently as he knows how. "Carolyn phoned me last week, she told me she's a bit worried for you."

"Did she indeed," he drawls out, though it's more wry than sarcastic. He's well aware by now that Carolyn's bark is worse than her bite, and there's an unspoken understanding at OJS Air that they're all to let the alpha dog look out for each and every one of them if the need arises.

"You know her. She went on and on about her obnoxious pilot and his poor life choices, but it wasn't that difficult to read between the lines."

"I'm not going to marry Herc's sister," he clarifies at length. "That would be just plain ridiculous."

Martin's eyes are focused on the finger that is tracing the rim of his cup, much to Douglas' relief. "But you do love her, don't you?"

"I think I do, yes," he admits with a weary sigh, pinching at bridge of his nose. "But then again, I used to think that Helena was the love of my life – and each Mrs Richardson before her."

Silence falls as Martin looks deep in thought, but it's not an uncomfortable one. This is what authentic friendship feels like, Douglas suddenly realises; they've known each other long enough that he doesn't have to pretend anymore, and somehow that makes all the difference in the world.

"I don't know if it helps, but – do you know when I decided we might be friends after all?"

"I've no idea," he replies slowly, genuinely impressed by the earnest tone to his friend's voice.

"It was on that awfully boring flight from Hong Kong to Limerick. I told you about being a man with a van, and you told me about – well, you know what." Douglas gives him a tight nod, and Martin goes on. "You weren't trying to impress me for once, you were just being – yourself."

They look at each other across the table, a rueful smile tugging at the older man's lips. "And you think that 'being myself', as you put it, could be enough to stop a marriage from falling apart?"

"I don't know," Martin shrugs. "It's probably a good start. Just let her see the real you, the one behind the charming act; she might decide you're worth sticking around after all."

This time the smile that lights up his face is completely genuine. "Where's that stuttering fellow that used to be my captain? What have you done with him?"

"I'm not your captain anymore, Douglas," his friend smirks, leaning back against his chair. "It's you who has control now."

He spends all the flight back to Fitton planning for a suitable wedding present for the man that is indisputably the best friend he's ever had the good fortune of having. And when he falls asleep beside the woman he loves, it's with a smile on his face and a feeling of rightness he hasn't experienced in longer than he cares to remember.


End file.
